Quack Experimental Fanfic Azumanga Saga
by SupaChibi
Summary: When Yukari's class gains some new transfer students, things are going to get very interesting indeed. Friends will be made, things will be broken, and at least a few massive explosions will occur.
1. Mission 12345679: Infiltration

Quack Experimental Fanfic

Azumanga Saga

Disclaimer

Yes, I do own both Excel Saga and Azumanga Daioh! Of course I do! Bwahahahaha-What? What do you mean I don't? Koshi Rikdo? Kiyohiko Azuma? Who the hell?

I do, however, own this fanfic. Steal it and Chiyo-chichi will be unpleased.

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The screams of thousands of cheering fans filled the arena, as spotlights shone down on the boxing ring below. In one corner, Koshi Rikdo, struggling manga artist, did a few warm-up stretches. In the other, Chiyo-chichi floated serenely.

The bell rang, and Koshi dashed across the ring, yelling loudly, "I hereby give my permission to merge the worlds of Excel Saga and Azumanga Daioh!" slamming a fist into Chiyo-chichi's gut. As he pulled his fist back, his glove left indents in Chiyo-chichi's stomach, in the shape of the author's familiar stamped signature.

Chiyo-chichi glanced down at the mark, slowly turning a dark red as his gaze moved to Koshi. Floating slowly across the ring, he yelled in a deep voice, "How DARE you!"  
Koshi gulped and turned pale.

A massive explosion followed a shrill, girlish scream shortly afterwards.

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It all started with the penguins…

Oh god, the penguins…  
Oh. Wait. Wrong story.

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"Hail Ilpalazzo!!!" Excel screamed in her usual opening to the leader of the secret ideological organization known as ACROSS. Hyatt, as usual, followed with her customary "…zzo!"

Looking up from where he sat, Ilpalazzo exclaimed, "The world is corrupt! Not only that, but the future of the world, nay, ACROSS's world, is growing darker by the day!"

"Then, great and mighty Lord Ilpalazzo, in an effort to brighten the future of the world and its masses, might I suggest dropping packages of light bulbs from the air to countries worldwide?" Excel interrupted.

Ilpalazzo stared at Excel for a moment, before reaching up and pulling a thick rope. A trapdoor opened beneath Excel's feet, and she fell down into its depths.

Raising her hand, Hyatt asked, "Lord Ilpalazzo, in an effort to pull what will be ACROSS's world out of the darkness, might I suggest that we start teaching the goals of ACROSS to those who are still young?"

Ignoring Excel's cries of "Oh god, the penguins!!!", Ilpalazzo nodded. "Very good, Agent Hyatt. You do have a way of getting right to the point." Ilpalazzo pressed a button on his throne, causing a large screen to descend from the ceiling. On the screen was projected the image of a large school. "Plan #12345679! The two of you shall infiltrate this high school, and convert as many students as you can to the ways of ACROSS!" Ilpalazzo continued. "With your…talents, I'm sure you'll have no trouble blending in with the student population."

At a snap of Ilpalazzo's fingers, a Puchuu walked in, handing a folder to Hyatt. Excel finally finished climbing out of the hole, and peered over Hyatt's shoulder as she opened it. The folder contained only one paper, a dossier. The picture contained within said dossier showed a young woman, with a very angry look on her face, lashing out at an unseen foe with a rolled up magazine.

"Yukari…Tanizaki?" Hyatt read the name from the dossier.

"Indeed. She will be your homeroom teacher for the foreseeable future." Ilpalazzo proclaimed. "Travel to this school and carry out your mission, for the glory of ACROSS!"

Excel and Hyatt raised their arms in preparation to hail Ilpalazzo once more, but only Excel's was heard. Hyatt's caught in her throat, causing her to cough twice and fall over. Excel saluted Ilpalazzo, scooped Hyatt up, and swiftly exited the base.

Ilpalazzo leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. "I hope that you'll teach my agents as well as you taught me, Yukari-sensei…"


	2. Let the Chaos Begin

Quack Experimental Fanfic

Azumanga Saga

Disclaimer

Yes, I do own both Excel Saga and Azumanga Daioh! Of course I do! Bwahahahaha-What? What do you mean I don't? Koshi Rikdo? Kiyohiko Azuma? Who the hell?

I do, however, own this fanfic. Steal it and Chiyo-chichi will be unpleased.

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"Everyone!!!" Tomo Takino yelled as she ran into Class 3's room. "Big news-" Tomo began, but was interrupted as she tripped over the teacher's podium, flying out the open window.

Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga blinked as she saw Tomo fly through the window. "Wow, she's flyin' real nice." She muttered, seemingly to herself.

"Tomo-chan!" Chiyo Mihama gasped, running to the window to see if her friend was all right.

Koyomi "Yomi" Mizuhara sighed. "Just ignore her, Chiyo-chan."

A few seconds passed before Tomo thundered down the hall once again, running into Class 3's room and almost knocking Chiyo out the window. "Big news!" Tomo yelled. "We've got a new student in our class!"

Chiyo closed the window before turning around. "A new student? How do you know?"

"I was listening in at the teacher's room, and I distinctly heard Yukari-chan say, "More transfer students? For the love of-" before she spotted me and I had to run." Tomo explained.

"Anotha' transfa' student?" Osaka asked. "She's not from Osaka, is she? 'Cause that would be weird havin' anotha' Osaka around…Y'all wouldn't know what to call us."

Yomi stared at Osaka for a second before turning back to Tomo and Chiyo. "Either way, you should both get to your seats. Yukari-sensei'll be here soon."

"What? How do you know that?" Tomo asked as Chiyo rushed back to her seat.

"Because I hear her ranting coming down the hall." Yomi nodded.

Sure enough, a few moments later the door burst open and Yukari rushed into her classroom, her customary five minutes late. As she skidded to a stop near her podium, she sent Tomo flying into the window. The window held, to the groans of many students.

"Everyone sit down!" Yukari yelled to her class, who were all already seated, with the exception of Tomo, who was crawling back to her seat. "I've got big news for you all!" Yukari paused dramatically. "I finally got the special edition of Final Dragon Phantasy XIV!"

Crickets were heard chirping shortly thereafter.

Yukari blinked. "What? Why is no one excited by this?"

Tomo raised her hand. "Yukari-sensei, aren't we getting new students today?"

Yukari glared at Tomo for a second before turning back to the rest of the class. "Like Tomo-chan says, we're getting two new students in our class today."

Tomo's eyes got wide. "Two?"

Yukari nodded, smirking at Tomo's surprise. "Missed that part, didn't you?" Yukari laughed for a second before looking at the door. "You can come in now!"

The door opened, and a blonde girl ran inside, accidentally knocking Yukari straight through the closed window before skidding to a stop. "Yo! I'm Excel-I mean, Hanako! Hanako Dosukoi! It's nice to meet you all!" Excel bowed quickly, knocking her head on the podium and falling to the floor.

Another girl poked her head in through the open door. This one had violet hair, and considerably less energy. "Excel-sempai? Are you alright?" Hyatt asked, walking over to her comrade.

"Jus' fine, Hyatt. Introduce yourself to the class, will ya?" Excel muttered, massaging a bump on her head.

"Oh!" Hyatt turned and bowed to the class. "My name is Ayasugi. It's nice to meet you all." Hyatt bowed again.

Yukari walked back in through the door, glaring at Excel. "You little-"

Excel shot up, bowing to Yukari. "Sorry, Yukari-sensei! It was an accident!"

Yukari glared at Excel a while longer before turning back to her class. "Anyway, these are your new classmates. Make them welcome and all that crap. Hanako-chan, you can sit behind Chiyo-chan, the tiny girl with the pigtails. Ayasugi-san, you can sit next to Sakaki-san. She's the one in the back with bandaged hands."

Excel shouted, "Alright!" before sprinting to her seat. Hyatt walked calmly towards the back of the room.

Excel sat down behind Chiyo and tapped her on the shoulder. Chiyo turned around and smiled. "Hello! I'm Chiyo. I hope we'll be friends."

Excel grabbed Chiyo's hand, pumping it up and down. "It's nice to meet you too! You can call me Excel if you want!"

Chiyo winced as her arm was almost yanked out of its socket. "A-alright, Excel-san."

Excel stopped shaking Chiyo's hand, looking her up and down. "Man, you're tiny."

Chiyo glared, although it came out more as a pout. "I am only ten, you know."

Excel's eyes opened wide. "Ten? In high school? That's just…"

"Weird?" A voice to Excel's side interjected. Looking over, Excel saw Osaka staring up at her. "Chiyo-chan's not weird. She's gotta be the smartest kid in the class."

Excel stared back for a few seconds before snagging Osaka's hand and shaking it hard. "You can call me Excel!"

Osaka shook with the force that Excel was applying to her hand. "Ah'm Ayumu, but everyone calls me Osaka, 'cause that's where ah'm from."

Excel let go of Osaka's hand. "I'm from F City in F Prefecture."

Osaka's hand kept moving up and down as if she were shaking an invisible hand, until Osaka noticed and grabbed her one hand with her other. "From Fukuoka? Ah ain't been there before."

Excel nodded. "It's fun there. Plenty of stuff going on."

"Alright, everyone!" Yukari yelled after finally yanking the English book from her bag. "Time to get started, so we can finish, so I can go home and play!"

The class sweatdropped in unison.

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Back in Excel and Hyatt's apartment, Menchi was hard at work. Using a chisel and small mallet, she had breached a hole through the wall to the outside, and was in the process of making it wider. As chip after chip fell away, Menchi laid the tools down and tried to squeeze through. After much effort, the wall gave way enough and Menchi fell onto the balcony of the small apartment.

Menchi barked in happiness, and jumped off the balcony, landing on the stone wall between the apartments and the house next door. Running along it at top speed, she leapt into the back of a delivery truck that was passing by. Settling down inside, she went to sleep, no longer tormented by the thoughts of the insane girls that kept her.

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(Okay, so what do you all think so far?  
Good? Bad? An abomination to the original works?

Either way, any comment or criticism would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.)


	3. Death and Dwellings

Quack Experimental Fanfic

Azumanga Saga

Disclaimer

Yes, I do own both Excel Saga and Azumanga Daioh! Of course I do! Bwahahahaha-What? What do you mean I don't? Koshi Rikdo? Kiyohiko Azuma? Who the hell?

I do, however, own this fanfic. Steal it and Chiyo-chichi will be unpleased.

---------

About halfway through the class, Yukari's head drifted onto the podium mid-sentence, as it usually did every day. Everyone relaxed, with the exception of Excel and Tomo, who hadn't been paying attention anyway, and Hyatt, who sat patiently staring at Yukari.

Sakaki turned to the violet-haired girl sitting beside her. "Um…Ayasugi-san…"

Hyatt turned towards Sakaki, smiling. "You don't need to be so formal. You can just call me Hyatt."

Sakaki blinked. "Ok…Hyatt…" Sakaki said, Hyatt nodding her approval. "And you can call me Sakaki."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sakaki-san." Hyatt said, extending a hand towards Sakaki.

Sakaki reached out to shake Hyatt's hand when Hyatt pulled it back, covering her mouth and coughing. "Um…are you alright?" Sakaki asked.

Hyatt nodded, producing a pink handkerchief and wiping a stream of red fluid from her mouth. "I'm fine, really-" She said before collapsing onto her desk.

Sakaki jumped up, staring at Hyatt's body. "Um…um…um…Yomi-chan! Hyatt…" Sakaki drifted off.

Looking up from her diet magazine, Yomi turned around to Sakaki and Hyatt. Blinking, she stood up and rushed over to Hyatt, waving a hand in front of her face. "She's not breathing! Chiyo-chan! Wake Yukari! Tomo! Go get the nurse, right now!"

Tomo jumped up from her staring contest with Excel and ran out the door and down the hall while Chiyo was busy shaking Yukari awake.

"Mmm…No, hit the red one first, then the blue…" Yukari mumbled in English, still asleep.

"Yukari-sensei! Wake up! Hyatt's sick!" Chiyo yelled, pulling Yukari off of her seat. Yukari, still being asleep, hit the ground hard.

"Chiyo? Whassup?" Yukari slurred, still speaking English.

"Yukari-sensei! Hyatt's not breathing!" Yomi yelled from the back of the class.

Yukari's eyes opened wide. "Oh my God! CPR!" She yelled, still in English.

Sakaki blinked. "Cee…pee…are?"

Chiyo ran over to Hyatt, laying her on the ground. "It's a technique for people who aren't breathing!" Chiyo grabbed Sakaki's hands, positioning them on Hyatt's chest. "Push like this, Sakaki-san!" Chiyo moved Sakaki's hands up and down for a second until Sakaki got the hang of it.

Meanwhile, Excel was staring at Hyatt and the growing crowd around her. "Hyatt…Why're you always causing trouble?" She muttered.

Osaka, still in her seat, blinked at Excel. "Ain't you worried 'bout your friend?"

Excel shrugged. "It's just a thing she does…Every so often she just keels over like that." Excel explained. "She's usually fine in a few minutes…or hours…"

Osaka stared at Excel. "Oh…" She murmured.

A few moments later, Hyatt coughed, breathing normally again and opening her eyes.

"You alright, Hyatt-san?" Chiyo asked.

"I believe I am, yes…" Hyatt said, looking around. "My, there's certainly a crowd here, isn't there?" Hyatt glanced down at Sakaki. "Um…you can take your hands off of my chest, Sakaki-san…"

Sakaki gasped and pulled her hands back, blushing furiously. "S-sorry…"

Near the back of the crowd, Kaorin stared at Sakaki, blushing in much the same way.

The door burst open, and Tomo rushed in, dragging Minamo "Nyamo" Kurosawa behind her. "I got Nyamo-chan!"

"I said bring the nurse!" Yomi yelled at Tomo.

"The nurse was out sick today, so I was acting as nurse in place of her…" Nyamo explained, walking over to Hyatt. "Are you alright?"

Hyatt sat up, nodding. "I'm fine, now."

"Are you sure?" Nyamo asked, taking Hyatt's pulse. "Do you have anemia or anything?"

"Not to my knowledge…" Hyatt said.

"Alright, everyone…" Yukari yelled, now assured that nothing bad would happen to herself. "Let's get back in our seats and return to-"

And the bell signaling the end of the school day rang.

"Just kidding!" Yukari sped out of the classroom.

As the rest of the class headed for the door, Hyatt stood up shakily, using the desk for balance.

"So, how long has this been happening, Hyatt?" Yomi asked, slipping her books into her bag.

"Oh, for quite a while now." Hyatt responded. "Since before I met Excel-sempai, at least."

Tomo sat down on a nearby desk. "So, you two go way back then?"

Excel nodded. "Way back."

Tomo grinned. "So do Yomi and I. We've been together since elementary school."

Yomi glared at Tomo. "Don't even start, Tomo."

Osaka walked up. "So, where are y'all staying now that ya going to school here? Fukuoka's too far ta commute."

Excel opened her mouth to answer, but upon finding she had none to give, stood there with her mouth hanging open.

"Excel-sempai?" Hyatt turned to her comrade, whispering. "Did we receive a location of a suitable dwelling in the mission portfolio?"

"I don't think so, Hat-chan…" Excel whispered back.

"So what do we do?"

Excel straightened up, putting on her best smile. "Do any of you think we could borrow a room temporarily from one of you?"

Everyone glanced at one another for a few seconds before Chiyo spoke up.

"Um…There are probably a few spare rooms in my house…You both could stay there for a while if you'd like, but I'd have to ask my father."

Excel nodded. "Sounds good, Chiyo-chan."

Chiyo smiled. "Well, I guess we should be on our way, then!" Slipping out of her seat, she grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Excel and Hyatt followed her out, and Sakaki followed suit.

Yomi stood up. "There's something odd about those two…"

"Probably just your imagination, Yomi." Tomo said, grabbing her bag and heading for the door.

Yomi sighed and followed Tomo out.

Osaka stared out the window. "Ah wonder…"

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Menchi jumped out of the back of the truck, landing softly on the sidewalk. Looking around, she barked for joy at her new freedom, and started walking down the street. As she walked, she noticed a seemingly empty yard, and walked into it slowly. Menchi sniffed, and found a scent of a cat over the entire yard. Menchi walked slowly around the yard, trying to find the cat.

Unbeknownst to Menchi, that very same cat was in the tree above, yellow eyes standing out against its black fur as its teeth spread in a grin.

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(I hope everyone's enjoying this.

Thanks for all your reviews so far...I appreciate them.)


	4. On The Road

Quack Experimental Fanfic

Azumanga Saga

Disclaimer

Yes, I do own both Excel Saga and Azumanga Daioh! Of course I do! Bwahahahaha-What? What do you mean I don't? Koshi Rikdo? Kiyohiko Azuma? Who the hell?

I do, however, own this fanfic. Steal it and Chiyo-chichi will be unpleased.

----------

"So, why'd you transfer here, Excel?" Tomo asked, walking backwards down the street.

"Well, Lo-" Excel started, but caught herself before she mentioned him. "Our guardian, of sorts, wanted us to get a good education, and he knew Yukari-sensei from way back, he said."

Yomi raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said he wanted you to get a _good_ education."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Excel poked Yomi in the shoulder, knocking her off balance a bit.

"Now, now..." Chiyo interposed herself between the two. "Yukari-sensei's a good teacher...When she puts her mind to it..."

"Yeah, but she doesn't have much mind to put to anything!" Tomo shouted, scaring a nearby flock of birds into the air.

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Back at school, Yukari found herself the victim of a sneezing fit.

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"Yanno..." Osaka said, blinking at Excel. "Have ya ever thought about pigtails?"

Excel blinked back. "Why? Do you think I'd look better with pigtails?"

Osaka thought of Excel with Chiyo-esque pigtails, and shook her head. "Nah, never mind. Ya probably couldn't fly with tiny ones like that."

Excel stared at Osaka for a while, before shaking her head and turning back.

Sakaki and Hyatt, walking behind the rest, were having a quiet conversation with each other about nothing in particular.

The journey continued as normal, with Sakaki vanishing mysteriously in pursuit of something cute, until the group arrived at Chiyo's rather large home.

Excel and Hyatt stared in awe at the size of the mansion. "Holy freaking crap..." Excel stated, her mouth hanging open.

Tomo nodded, resting an elbow on Excel's shoulder. "I know exactly how you feel."

Chiyo opened the front door, bowing to her friends. "Please don't stand on ceremony, and make yourselves at home."

Excel and Hyatt bowed back. "Thank you for having us..." They said in unison, at which point Hyatt collapsed on the ground.

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Menchi heard a yowl from above, and, with reflexes honed from years of dodging Excel and Hyatt when they were famished, managed to dodge the black cat's pounce.

The black cat, or Kamineko (as Sakaki called it) turned to look at Menchi, a toothy grin upon its face. Slowly, it walked towards Menchi, who backed up until she backed into a fence. Kamineko purred contentedly as it crept closer and closer to Menchi.

Suddenly, Sakaki walked into the yard, eyes fixed on Kamineko as a small smile appeared on her face. "Hello again." She said softly to the black cat.

Kamineko growled menacingly at Sakaki, glancing at Menchi with a 'I'll get you next time' look, and sprung up and over the fence into the next yard.

Sakaki watched it vanish, and sighed in a melancholy way. Hearing a small bark, Sakaki looked down to see Menchi sitting there, tail wagging. Sakaki blinked, reaching down to pet the dog, scratching her behind the ears.

"You're a cute dog..." Sakaki murmured as Menchi rolled over, allowing Sakaki to scratch her belly. "I haven't seen you around before...I hope we can be good friends."

Menchi rolled back into a sitting position, barking again. As a nearby bell rung to signify the hour, Sakaki gave Menchi one last pet before standing up. "See you later, little girl." Sakaki waved to Menchi before heading back down the street.

Menchi blinked, and began to follow Sakaki, but the athletic girl was out of sight in no time. Looking around, Menchi found a nearby cardboard box on its side. Walking into the box and laying down, Menchi settled into a restful sleep.

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(Hmm...

Firstly, I apologize for taking so long with this chapter. Work and college have been keeping me incredibly busy...

That, and this chapter took a while to brainstorm...I'm not sure why...And I still think I could improve on it...

But if I take any more time working on it, it'll never get anywhere, so I must forge ahead!

Also, I really need to bring out more of Excel's hyper...She's been sorely lacking of it in this fanfic.

Thank you for all your comments and suggestions. I appreciate them all.)


	5. Peaceful Nights

Quack Experimental Fanfic

Azumanga Saga

Disclaimer

Yes, I do own both Excel Saga and Azumanga Daioh! Of course I do! Bwahahahaha-What? What do you mean I don't? Koshi Rikdo? Kiyohiko Azuma? Who the hell?

I do, however, own this fanfic. Steal it and Chiyo-chichi will be unpleased.

----------

"How long is Chiyo-chan going to take, anyway?" Tomo asked, on the floor of Chiyo's room, flipping through a random book.

"It's not like she's asking if they can stay the night..." Yomi replied, working on her homework on Chiyo's table. "Asking for two people to stay in your house for days or weeks or longer is something that has to be carefully thought about."

"Maybe so, but..." Tomo trailed off.

The door opened, and Chiyo walked in, followed by Excel and Hyatt.

"Well, my father says that they can both stay here for a while." Chiyo said, smiling. "As long as they keep out of trouble, at least."

"And we're the masters of keeping out of trouble, so it'll be no problem for us!" Excel declared, giving a thumbs-up.

"I hope you're right." Yomi said, closing her book and standing up. "It's getting late, though, so I think we'll head home."

"Aww, okay." Chiyo said. "I'll see you two tomorrow at school, then!"

"Of course!" Tomo said, getting to her feet as well. "Don't blow up the house or anything, Excel!"

Excel laughed nervously. "I'll try my best!"

"See ya tomorrow..." Osaka said, following Yomi and Tomo out.

"Bye bye!" Chiyo waved as her friends departed.

"Now what?" Excel asked, looking around.

"Well, dinner should be ready soon, so I'll show you where your room is, and then we'll go eat, ok?" Chiyo said, smiling up at Excel.

"Sounds good to me!" Excel exclaimed, grabbing Hyatt by the arm. "Come on, let's go see where we get to stay!"

"R-right behind you, Excel-sempai..." Hyatt stuttered, looking rather pale.

-------

"Hmm..." Ilpalazzo looked around at his rather empty lair. "It seems so quiet without those two around. Perhaps I should put an ad in the local paper for some new staff."

Pulling a notepad and a pencil from behind him, he began to write. "After all, one can't take over the world without a handful of replaceable henchmen."

-------

"Mmm, that food was good!" Excel said, flopping down on her bed. "It's been so long since we've had a meal that wasn't made from a can, eh, Hyatt?"

"Indeed." Hyatt nodded, sitting on the floor. "It was so good I thought I was going to die."

"On that note, Hyatt, it might be wise to attempt to suppress your keeling-over-and-rigor-mortis-type urges. The school may have enemy spies, after all, and if they recognize us, it could prove disastrous to Lord Ilpalazzo's plan." Excel said, looking at Hyatt pointedly.

"I shall do my best, Excel-sempai!" Hyatt said.

Chiyo opened the door to their new room, poking her head in. "I'm going to sleep now. You should probably do the same. It's been a long day, and we've got school tomorrow." She said, yawning.

"Sounds like a plan, Chiyo-chan." Excel said, stretching out on the bed.

"See you tomorrow, then, Excel-san, Hyatt-san. Good night!" Chiyo smiled, closing the door.

Hyatt slowly got up off the floor, before wobbling over to her bed and collapsing onto it. Excel, meanwhile, was sound asleep before Hyatt hit the bed.


End file.
